An Old Man Calls Pizza Hut To Order A Pizza
An old fellow calls Pizza hut to order a pizza… CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut? GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza. CALLER: I must have dialled a wrong number, sorry. GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month. CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza. GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? Do you know me? GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three kinds of cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust. CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have. GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta,
arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza! GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir. CALLER: How do you know that? GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last
7 years. CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago. CALLER: I bought more from
another Pharmacy. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement. CALLER: I paid in cash. GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement. CALLER: I have other sources of cash. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law! CALLER: WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE: I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to the death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, or TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me. GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
The Husband Comes Home With A Scratch On His Chest
A husband returned home with a scratch on his shirt and blamed the cat. To make the story convincing, he picked up the animal and accidentally tore another thread.
His wife examined both marks.
“The first scratch contains red paint,” she said. “The cat has white paws.”
He confessed that he had scraped the shirt while helping a colleague move a painted shelf.
His wife accepted the explanation and assigned him to repaint their own shelf, where future scratches could be verified locally.
Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Scratch On His Shirt Came From The Cat.” Hearing it twice did not make it sensible, but it made the confidence behind it funnier.
A Husband and Wife of Want To Spice Up Their Stale s3x Life
A couple decided their routine had become dull, so they planned an elaborate detective role-play for the evening. The wife arranged clues around the bedroom, wore a dramatic coat, and waited for her husband to play the mysterious investigator.
He arrived carrying a notebook and immediately began questioning the furniture, examining fingerprints on the lamp, and measuring footprints beside the bed.
Just as the mystery became interesting, the doorbell rang. He rushed downstairs in character and demanded to know the visitor’s alibi.
The confused delivery driver held up a pizza.
“Evidence,” the husband whispered.
His wife appeared behind him. “That is dinner.”
The detective role-play ended when the driver asked whether anyone intended to pay for the evidence.
A second question produced no better explanation. By then, everyone involved had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer controlling the situation.
The incident became a favorite local story. Each retelling grew slightly longer, although the same unexpected final line continued to receive the biggest laugh.
Before leaving, everyone checked the facts once more. The facts were correct; it was the interpretation that had taken a spectacularly unnecessary journey.
The people nearby needed a moment to understand the answer. When the meaning finally became clear, the quietest person laughed first and everyone else followed.
A Wife Went To Doctor
A woman asked her doctor for help because her husband had no energy for farm chores. The doctor provided a harmless vitamin powder and suggested mixing a small amount into his morning coffee.
The following week, she returned looking exhausted.
“Did the tonic work?” the doctor asked.
“Too well. He repaired the fence, painted the barn, cleaned the tractor, stacked the firewood, and reorganized every cupboard before lunch.”
“Then why are you unhappy?”
“I accidentally put the powder in the entire coffee pot. Now the neighbors are hiring him by the hour, and he keeps adding projects to our house.”
The doctor advised switching to decaffeinated coffee and hiding the ladder.
The incident became a favorite local story. Each retelling grew slightly longer, although the same unexpected final line continued to receive the biggest laugh.
Before leaving, everyone checked the facts once more. The facts were correct; it was the interpretation that had taken a spectacularly unnecessary journey.
The people nearby needed a moment to understand the answer. When the meaning finally became clear, the quietest person laughed first and everyone else followed.
Nobody had expected the conversation to end that way. The main character calmly repeated the explanation, which only made the conclusion sound more ridiculous.
Three Italian Nuns Die And Go To Heaven
Three Italian nuns arrived at heaven’s gate, where Saint Peter welcomed them with a smile.
“Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I am granting each of you six months back on Earth as anyone you choose,” he announced.
The first nun said, “I want-a to be Sophia Loren!” There was a flash, and she disappeared.
The second said, “I want-a to be Madonna!” Another flash filled the room, and she vanished too.
The third stepped forward. “I want-a to be Sara Pipalini.”
Saint Peter looked puzzled. “Who?”
“Sara Pipalini,” she repeated.
He searched every heavenly record, but the name did not appear. “I’m sorry, Sister. Are you sure she is famous?”
The nun pulled a newspaper clipping from her habit. Saint Peter read the headline, began laughing, and returned it.
“Sister, this doesn’t say Sara Pipalini. It says, ‘Sahara pipeline completed by five hundred workers in seven days.'”
The nun studied it and sighed. “In that case, perhaps I’ll choose Sophia Loren too. At least I know how to pronounce her name.”
A Affair With His Secretary
A married man and his secretary were preparing a confidential charity presentation after work. The office computers failed, so they continued at her house. Exhausted after hours of editing, both fell asleep and woke around eight in the evening.
As the man gathered his papers, he asked the secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and soil. She found the request strange but did it anyway. He put on the dirty shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.
‘I will tell you the truth,’ he replied. ‘My secretary and I worked on a secret presentation at her house. We fell asleep over the slides and did not wake until eight.’
His wife folded her arms and looked down at his shoes.
‘You liar,’ she said. ‘You have been playing golf.’
The husband looked at the grass stains. ‘For once, my unbelievable explanation was the honest one.’
His wife handed him the muddy shoes. ‘Then your secretary can explain why the charity presentation needed a sand trap.’
A Man And His Wife Go On A Date
A couple ordered soup at a restaurant. The husband dropped his spoon, and a waiter instantly produced a clean replacement from his pocket.
The husband praised the preparation, then noticed a thread hanging from the waiter’s apron.
“What is that for?”
“To remind me which pocket holds clean spoons,” the waiter said.
He pulled the thread and discovered it was attached to the apron label instead.
The restaurant replaced the complicated system with a tray, which everyone agreed was less mysterious and more hygienic.
The witnesses later reconstructed “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.
The incident became known as “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.
The next retelling of “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.
Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread.” Hearing it twice did not make it sensible, but it made the confidence behind it funnier.
The witnesses later reconstructed “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.
The incident became known as “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.
A Salesman Rings The Door Bell
A salesman rang the doorbell, and young Johnny answered.
“May I speak with your father?” the salesman asked.
“Not right now. He is repairing the shower.”
“Then could I speak with your mother?”
“She is helping him repair the shower.”
The salesman looked at his watch. “Will they be finished soon?”
Johnny shook his head. “I doubt it. Dad asked me for the plumbing sealant, and I accidentally handed him the super glue.”
A Man Goes Doctor’S Office To Get Double Dose Of Viagra
A man asked his doctor for a double dose of energy tablets before a busy weekend. The doctor refused and explained that more medicine did not create more hours.
“But my partner will be with me,” he argued.
“Then share the schedule, not the tablets.”
The doctor prescribed sleep, water, and one task list.
On Monday the patient returned refreshed.
“Did the plan work?”
“Yes. My partner completed half the tasks while I followed the sleep instruction.”
The incident became known as “The Doctor Refused A Double Dose Of Energy Tablets.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Doctor Refused A Double Dose Of Energy Tablets” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.
A newlywed first night together
On their first evening in their new home, a newlywed couple changed out of their wedding clothes. The bride returned wearing a beautiful embroidered robe.
Her husband stared in admiration. ‘You look wonderful. May I take your picture?’
‘My picture?’ she asked.
‘Yes. I want to carry your smile next to my heart forever.’
She posed by the window, and he carefully took a photograph. Then he went to shower. When he returned, he was wearing an old robe decorated with faded cartoon ducks.
His wife looked at him and said, ‘Stand still. I need a picture too.’
He beamed. ‘So you can carry my handsome face next to your heart?’
‘No,’ she replied. ‘So I can get that robe enlarged. The curtains need replacing, and the pattern is perfect for frightening pigeons away from the balcony.’
He looked at the ducks. ‘Perhaps we should keep only your picture.’
The Couple’s Complicated Role-Play Ended At The Front Door
A couple decided their routine had become dull, so they planned an elaborate detective role-play for the evening. The wife arranged clues around the bedroom, wore a dramatic coat, and waited for her husband to play the mysterious investigator.
He arrived carrying a notebook and immediately began questioning the furniture, examining fingerprints on the lamp, and measuring footprints beside the bed.
Just as the mystery became interesting, the doorbell rang. He rushed downstairs in character and demanded to know the visitor’s alibi.
The confused delivery driver held up a pizza.
“Evidence,” the husband whispered.
His wife appeared behind him. “That is dinner.”
The detective role-play ended when the driver asked whether anyone intended to pay for the evidence.
A second question produced no better explanation. By then, everyone involved had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer controlling the situation.
The incident became a favorite local story. Each retelling grew slightly longer, although the same unexpected final line continued to receive the biggest laugh.
Before leaving, everyone checked the facts once more. The facts were correct; it was the interpretation that had taken a spectacularly unnecessary journey.
The people nearby needed a moment to understand the answer. When the meaning finally became clear, the quietest person laughed first and everyone else followed.
The Husband Remembered A Very Expensive Anniversary Promise
A woman woke during the night and found her husband sitting alone at the kitchen table with coffee. He stared at the wall and wiped away a tear.
She sat beside him and asked what was wrong.
“Do you remember twenty years ago, when your father caught us returning his new car with a scratch?” he asked.
She nodded. Her father had threatened to make him work at the family garage until every debt was paid unless he took responsibility.
“And do you remember that I agreed to join the business?”
“Of course.”
He looked at the calendar and sighed. “If I had chosen the repayment plan, I would have made the final payment today.”
She handed him another coffee. “Yes, but then you would not own half the garage.”
Nobody involved in “The Husband Remembered A Very Expensive Anniversary Promise” had planned such an ending. They checked the details, discovered that the facts were correct, and agreed that the misunderstanding had done most of the creative work.
The next day, the central character told the story of “The Husband Remembered A Very Expensive Anniversary Promise” to a friend. The friend requested proof, received far too much of it, and finally admitted that the shortest explanation was also the funniest.
The Newly Promoted Corporal Learned Why The Sergeant Ordered Water
A newly promoted corporal celebrated with his sergeant at a café near the base. The sergeant ordered ten glasses lined across the counter.
The corporal assumed they contained strong drinks and announced that he could handle the same challenge.
“Are you certain?” the sergeant asked.
“Of course. I am a corporal now.”
He swallowed the first glass and discovered plain water. The second was water too, as were all the others.
The sergeant explained that the unit had spent the entire day training in the heat and needed hydration, not a competition.
The corporal finished every glass to protect his pride, then spent his promotion celebration searching for the nearest restroom.
There was a short silence after the punchline. Then the quietest person in the room summarized “The Newly Promoted Corporal Learned Why The Sergeant Ordered Water” in one sentence, and the laughter began all over again.
The conversation continued after the final remark. Everyone repeated the explanation behind “The Newly Promoted Corporal Learned Why The Sergeant Ordered Water” once more, and the second version sounded even less sensible than the first.
Nobody involved in “The Newly Promoted Corporal Learned Why The Sergeant Ordered Water” had planned such an ending. They checked the details, discovered that the facts were correct, and agreed that the misunderstanding had done most of the creative work.
An elderly airline passenger urgently needed a restroom, but the main one remained occupied. A flight attendant allowed him to use the crew restroom and warned him not to press any unfamiliar buttons.
Inside he found buttons labeled Water, Air, Warm, and Return. The first three produced surprisingly comfortable results.
Curious, he pressed Return.
Two attendants immediately opened the door because Return was the emergency call button.
He emerged wrapped in paper towels and asked why nobody used ordinary labels.
“We did,” said the attendant. “Return means return the crew to this door immediately.”
The incident soon became known as “The Airplane Restroom Button Summoned The Entire Crew.” Nobody changed the ending, because the original misunderstanding had already produced a better punchline than any planned joke.
A final question led to another detailed explanation. By then, everyone connected with “The Airplane Restroom Button Summoned The Entire Crew” agreed that clearer instructions would have prevented the problem and spoiled the story.
The next retelling of “The Airplane Restroom Button Summoned The Entire Crew” included witnesses, receipts, and an unnecessary diagram. None of them improved the logic, although the diagram received its own round of laughter.
Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Airplane Restroom Button Summoned The Entire Crew.” Hearing it twice did not make it more sensible, but it helped everyone appreciate how confidently it had been delivered.
The Girl’s Hair Color Reminded The Old Man Of A Wild Parrot
A young woman with brightly colored hair asked an older man whether he had ever done anything wild.
He studied the green, purple, and orange spikes and smiled.
“Once, after a festival, I spent an evening feeding a parrot that had escaped from a circus,” he said. “For years afterward, I wondered whether it remembered me.”
She rolled her eyes until he showed a photograph of the enormous bird perched on his head.
“Your hairstyle brought back the memory,” he explained.
She laughed and asked whether the parrot had recommended the colors.
The incident soon became known as “The Girl’s Hair Color Reminded The Old Man Of A Wild Parrot.” Nobody changed the ending, because the original misunderstanding had already produced a better punchline than any planned joke.
A final question led to another detailed explanation. By then, everyone connected with “The Girl’s Hair Color Reminded The Old Man Of A Wild Parrot” agreed that clearer instructions would have prevented the problem and spoiled the story.
The Painter Closed Every Curtain Except One
A volunteer painted a new classroom and closed every curtain to protect the furniture from splashes. She wore old overalls over her clothes and worked alone.
A knock came at the door. The visitor said he was blind and needed directions, so she opened it without worrying about the mess.
He entered, examined the freshly painted wall, and said, “Beautiful color. Where should I install the new window blinds?”
She stared at him.
“I am not blind,” he explained. “I sell blinds.”
She handed him a paintbrush before giving directions.
The Lie-Detector Robot Rang At The Entire Family
A father bought a toy robot that rang whenever someone lied. At dinner he asked his son where he had spent the afternoon.
“At school.” The bell rang.
The son admitted he had gone to a film. The father claimed he had never skipped school, and the bell rang again.
The mother laughed. “He is certainly your son.”
The bell rang a third time.
The family stared until the dog bumped the robot and produced another ring.
The father opened the battery compartment. “Perhaps honesty should not depend on a toy assembled backward.”
The incident became known as “The Lie-Detector Robot Rang At The Entire Family.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
The Wedding-Night Bell System Needed Clearer Labels
A newlywed spent the first night at her family home. Her mother slept nearby in case she needed anything and provided a bell for questions.
One ring meant water, two meant an extra blanket, and three meant breakfast.
During the night the bell rang continuously. Her mother rushed in and found the couple beneath a fallen curtain rod.
“Which signal was that?” she asked.
“None,” her daughter replied. “The curtain caught the bell.”
Her mother removed the bell and replaced it with a telephone.
The incident became known as “The Wedding-Night Bell System Needed Clearer Labels.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Wedding-Night Bell System Needed Clearer Labels” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.
The next retelling of “The Wedding-Night Bell System Needed Clearer Labels” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.
The Woman At The Bar Had A Price For Every Answer
A man introduced himself to a woman at a bar and began asking personal questions. She answered each one with a price: five dollars for her name, ten for her occupation, and twenty for her phone number.
He paid five dollars.
“My name is Stacey,” she said.
He considered the remaining prices and asked the free question: “Why are the answers so expensive?”
“I am raising money for a trivia team,” she explained.
He joined the team and learned her occupation and phone number for free at the first practice.
The incident became known as “The Woman At The Bar Had A Price For Every Answer.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
Bill Believed His Wife Loved Him More Than Anyone
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any lady has ever loved any fellow!”
The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?”
Bill explained, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around…”
“That every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home!
My husband’s home!’”
The Escaped Prisoner Chose The Wrong House
An escaped prisoner entered a house looking for money and transportation. He found a couple watching television and ordered them to remain seated while he searched.
The prisoner whispered to the woman and hurried into the kitchen.
Her husband urged her to cooperate.
She shook her head. “He asked where we keep the scissors because the prison label is still attached to his jacket.”
The husband pointed toward the drawer, which automatically locked when opened incorrectly.
The prisoner triggered the alarm, and police arrived before he found either scissors or car keys.
The incident became known as “The Escaped Prisoner Chose The Wrong House.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Escaped Prisoner Chose The Wrong House” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.
The next retelling of “The Escaped Prisoner Chose The Wrong House” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.
Stan’s Brother Offered A Very Unexpected Alternative
Stan was moments away from a permanent medical procedure when his brother arrived carrying a newborn and asked him to reconsider.
“Why?” Stan asked.
His brother explained that parenting had changed his life and offered the baby for one afternoon so Stan could experience it.
After three hours of bottles, nappies, and continuous crying, Stan returned to the clinic.
“Have you changed your mind?” the doctor asked.
“Absolutely,” Stan replied. “I now understand why my brother needs a babysitter more than I need advice.”
The incident became known as “Stan’s Brother Offered A Very Unexpected Alternative.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
The Blind Visitor Came To Repair The Window Blinds
A nun was told that a blind man had arrived. She allowed him into the room while she finished hanging curtains.
The visitor entered carrying tools and immediately admired the windows.
“I thought you were blind,” she said.
“I install blinds,” he replied. “The message lost one letter.”
She handed him the measurements and asked the receptionist to use complete job titles in future.
The new blinds worked perfectly, which was more than could be said for the convent’s telephone messages.
The incident became known as “The Blind Visitor Came To Repair The Window Blinds.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
Johnny Claimed He Could Identify Every Apartment Owner
Johnny and Susie approached an apartment door. Johnny claimed he could identify whether the resident was organized simply by examining the entrance.
He pointed to polished shoes, neatly sorted mail, and a labeled recycling box.
“A very tidy person lives here,” he announced.
The door opened. The resident looked at the pile of unopened parcels inside and laughed.
“The hallway is tidy because nothing fits in the apartment.”
Johnny updated his theory: never judge a home before seeing the storage cupboard.
The incident became known as “Johnny Claimed He Could Identify Every Apartment Owner.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.
The Family Explained Politics With Household Roles
Son: “Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don’t know what Politics is.” Father: “Well, let’s take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator
of money, so we’ll call her Government. We take care of your needs, so let’s call you The People. We’ll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future.
Do you understand son?” Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.” That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy headed to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled
his diaper, the boy headed to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He headed to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking headed totally unheeded by
his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and headed back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: “Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is.” Father: “Good son!
Can you explain it to me in your own words?” Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and The Future is in deep st.
The Bartender Forgot Which Customer Had Paid
An elderly fellow in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” remarked the customer. “Okay,” remarked the
bartender. “If you say you paid, you did. The elderly fellow then headed outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn’t keep track of his customers’ bills.
The second fellow then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt. The barkeep answered, “If you
say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.” Soon the customer headed into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks. The elderly fellow hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the
bartender leaned over and remarked, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy
who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.” “Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responded. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”
The Bartender Offered A One-Cent Dinner With A Catch
On a warm evening, a traveler entered a quiet bar and ordered the best local drink. The bartender placed it on the counter and said the price was one cent.
“One cent?” the traveler repeated. The bartender nodded as if nothing were unusual.
Encouraged, the traveler studied the menu and requested a steak dinner with potatoes, vegetables, salad, and dessert. The bartender announced that the entire meal would cost four cents.
The traveler glanced around the nearly empty room. “Where is the owner of this place?”
“Upstairs, negotiating with my landlord,” the bartender answered.
“What are they negotiating?”
“The same thing I am doing down here—how quickly a business can lose money.”
The incident soon became known as “The Bartender Offered A One-Cent Dinner With A Catch.” Clearer instructions could have prevented it, but they would also have removed the best part of the story.
The Second Guide Dog Surprised The Restaurant Manager
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, “They won’t let us
in a restaurant with pets.” Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître
d’ stops them, saying, “Sir, you can’t bring your dog in here.” “But I’m blind,” the fellow replies, “and this is my guide dog.” The maître d’, apologizing
profusely, shows both fellow and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine.
“You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?” the skeptical maître d’ says.
“A Chihuahua?” the fellow says. “Is that what they gave me?
The Haircut Debate Continued Until Nobody Knew The Question
A wife asked her husband whether she should cut her hair. He answered, “Cut it if you want.”
She reminded him how long it had taken to grow. He suggested leaving it long. She noted that short hair was fashionable, so he supported cutting it. Then she worried that short hair could not be tied back, and he supported leaving it.
The discussion continued through style, convenience, friends’ opinions, the hairdresser’s skill, and who would be blamed if the result was disappointing. Each time, the husband replied either, “Cut it,” or, “Do not cut it.”
At last she announced, “I have decided.”
“Wonderful,” he said cautiously.
“When are we leaving?”
He blinked. “For the salon?”
“No, for my mother’s house. I changed the subject ten minutes ago.”
The husband wrote both answers on cards and promised to listen for the actual question next time.
The incident soon became known as “The Haircut Debate Continued Until Nobody Knew The Question.” Clearer instructions could have prevented it, but they would also have removed the best part of the story.
One final question produced another detailed answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Haircut Debate Continued Until Nobody Knew The Question” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer guiding the result.
The next account of “The Haircut Debate Continued Until Nobody Knew The Question” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it earned nearly as much laughter as the ending.
The Flight Simulator Played A Very Unhelpful Recording
A flight-training class entered a simulator for a routine lesson. Once the virtual aircraft reached cruising altitude, a recorded captain welcomed everyone aboard.
The message invited them to look right, where a simulated engine warning light was flashing, and left, where the computer had temporarily hidden a wing. Looking down revealed a tiny life raft carrying three animated crew members.
“That is your captain, co-pilot, and instructor,” the recording continued. “This is a prerecorded emergency exercise. Have a good flight.”
The students stared at the empty instructor’s chair until he stepped from behind the simulator and reminded them that the first lesson was to distinguish a test from an actual problem.
Nobody laughed until both virtual wings returned.
