+10 Best Funny Jokes - Jokes Of The Day

Woman Hide Under Bed To Check Her Husband

A woman became annoyed when her husband arrived home late again. She left a note saying she had gone away, then hid under the bed to observe his reaction.

Her husband entered, read the note, and became completely silent. He wrote something underneath it, telephoned someone, and said, “She is finally gone. I will see you in ten minutes.” Then he left.

Furious, the woman crawled out and read his message.

“I can see your shoes under the bed. I went to buy dinner. Please stop testing me and choose a dessert.”

She checked her phone and found a second message: “Also, I was late because I was collecting your repaired watch.”

She chose chocolate cake and retired the hiding experiment.

There was a short silence after the punchline. Then the quietest person in the room summarized “The Note Under The Bed Produced A Surprisingly Calm Reaction” in one sentence, and the laughter began all over again.

The Wife Checked Her Husband’s Phone

A wife looked through her husband’s phone and discovered three suspicious contact names: ‘The Tender One,’ ‘The Amazing One,’ and ‘The Lady Of My Dreams.’

Angry, she called the first number and heard her mother-in-law answer. The second belonged to her husband’s sister. When she dialed the third, her own phone rang.

Ashamed that she had doubted him, she cried, apologized, and gave him part of her monthly salary to buy something special.

Her husband accepted the money and purchased a gift for a woman whose number was stored under ‘Uncle Mike The Mechanic.’

The following day, his wife called Uncle Mike to thank him for repairing the car. A woman’s voice answered.

By evening, the contact had been renamed ‘The Very Expensive Lesson.’

My Wife is Cheating On Me

A man complained that his wife must be secretly working with a painter because he found paint on the sheets.

His friend said he had discovered tyre marks on his own bedding and therefore suspected a truck driver.

Both rushed home to investigate.

The paint came from a newly decorated headboard. The tyre marks came from a child’s toy truck left beneath the blanket.

Their wives listened to the accusations and assigned both men to laundry duty until their detective skills improved.

A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun

A cab driver picked up a nun outside the train station and kept glancing at her in the mirror.

Finally, she asked, “My son, is something troubling you?”

He cleared his throat. “I’ve always wanted to sing a duet with a nun, but I was afraid that might sound foolish.”

She smiled. “Not foolish at all. But my choir has strict rules. My singing partner must be single, Catholic, and able to hold the high notes.”

The driver immediately said, “That’s me! Single, Catholic, and the finest tenor in the city.”

They pulled into a quiet street and performed an enthusiastic hymn together. When they finished, the driver suddenly began to cry.

“Why the tears?” asked the nun.

“Forgive me, Sister. I lied. I’m married, I’m Jewish, and I can’t read music.”

The nun removed her veil and laughed.

The situation was awkward enough already, but everyone decided to hear the explanation to the end. That small decision gave the confusion plenty of room to become even more ridiculous.

A long pause followed. One person expected a sensible answer, while the other seemed completely satisfied with the logic so far.

“Don’t worry. My name is Kevin, and I’m late for a costume party.”

The Older Man Boasts To The Doctor

A ninety-two-year-old man told his doctor he felt wonderful and planned to remarry. The doctor asked whether his fiancée understood his health needs.

“She understands everything,” he said. “She reminds me about medicine, appointments, and where I left my glasses.”

“How old is she?”

“Eighty-nine.”

The doctor smiled. “That sounds sensible.”

“Exactly. Our families were worried because they thought we were rushing after only twelve years of dating.”

Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Doctor Questioned A Very Confident Ninety-Two-Year-Old.” Hearing it twice did not make it sensible, but it made the confidence behind it funnier.

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Doctor Questioned A Very Confident Ninety-Two-Year-Old” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “The Doctor Questioned A Very Confident Ninety-Two-Year-Old.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Doctor Questioned A Very Confident Ninety-Two-Year-Old” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.

Blonde Walking Her Dogs

A blonde woman was walking two handsome dogs when a man stopped to admire them.

‘They are beautiful,’ he said. ‘What are their names?’

‘The taller one is Timex, and the shorter one is Rolex.’

The man looked puzzled. ‘Those are unusual names for dogs. Why did you choose them?’

She sighed and shook her head. ‘Everyone asks me the same question.’

Then she pointed to the animals guarding a jewelry shop and said, ‘What else would you call watch dogs?’

At that moment, Timex barked exactly on the hour. Rolex simply looked expensive.

A Boy Comes Back From School

A boy returned from school upset because he had received zero on a geography question.

“The teacher asked about Portugal, and I could not answer,” he explained.

His mother was indignant. “What exactly was the question?”

“Where is Portugal?”

“We will find it ourselves,” she declared.

She opened a map of the state and searched every corner. Portugal was not there.

Next she checked a regional map, then a detailed street map of their city. Still no Portugal.

Finally, she threw down the atlas.

“It cannot be very far away,” she said. “Our housekeeper comes from Portugal, and she rides her bicycle to work every morning.”

Sweet Young Lovers

Two young lovers traveled to the mountains for a romantic winter holiday. When they reached their cabin, the man went outside to chop wood for the fireplace.

He returned rubbing his hands. ‘My fingers are freezing!’

‘Come here,’ his girlfriend said. She wrapped his hands in the warm blanket across her lap until they recovered.

He went out for another load of wood and returned with the same complaint. Once again, she tucked his hands beneath the blanket. After dinner, he made a final trip to prepare enough firewood for the night.

When he came back, he announced, ‘Honey, my hands are freezing again!’

She looked at the mountain of wood, then at him. ‘For goodness’ sake, do your ears never get cold?’

He immediately reached for his hat. ‘They were waiting to see whether the hands had a better arrangement.’

A Newly Married Couple Are In Bed

A newly married couple were relaxing after their honeymoon when the husband asked a question he had clearly been rehearsing.

“Before me, how many men asked you to marry them?”

His wife said nothing. She simply stared at the ceiling with a serious expression.

After a minute, he tried again. “It’s all right. You can tell me. I promise I won’t be jealous.”

Still no answer.

Feeling guilty, he moved closer, hugged her, and said, “Forget I asked. I trust you, and I don’t want to upset you.”

She suddenly pushed him away and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

She pointed at the ceiling and said, “I was counting. Now you’ve made me lose my place.”

A Woman Walks Into A Pharmacy One Day

A woman entered a pharmacy and quietly asked for something that would make her husband disappear from the house for an entire weekend.

The pharmacist refused and warned that he would not sell anything harmful or dishonest.

She placed a photograph on the counter. It showed her husband smiling beside the pharmacist’s wife at a crowded dance class.

The pharmacist examined it, relaxed, and said, “Why did you not explain that you wanted him out of the house for a surprise party?”

He sold her two tickets to a fishing convention. “These will keep him away until Sunday.”

She thanked him. “Perfect. Your wife is teaching the dance class at the party, and now both men will stay out of the decorations.”

Three Holiday Postcards Created The Same Family Mystery

A mother asked her three newly married daughters to send coded postcards from their holiday trips.

The first wrote “Coffee,” which the mother interpreted as a pleasant trip lasting until the last drop. The second wrote “Chocolate,” suggesting everything was smooth and sweet.

The third sent “Laundry detergent.” The mother searched advertisements until she found a slogan promising powerful action in every load.

She became alarmed, telephoned the hotel, and learned that a washing machine had flooded the couple’s room. They had spent the honeymoon moving wet luggage between floors.

The daughter later explained, “I was describing the holiday, not the marriage.”

Her mother requested ordinary sentences on all future postcards.

The people nearby needed a moment to understand the answer. When the meaning finally became clear, the quietest person laughed first and everyone else followed.

Nobody had expected the conversation to end that way. The main character calmly repeated the explanation, which only made the conclusion sound more ridiculous.

Later, the story was retold with several dramatic details, but every witness agreed that the final remark was accurate and impossible to improve.

A second question produced no better explanation. By then, everyone involved had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer controlling the situation.

The Older Couple’s Weekly Therapy Appointment Had A Practical Purpose

An older couple visited a physical therapist every Monday and asked the therapist to watch them perform a complicated stretching routine together.

They moved slowly, supported each other through every exercise, and paid the consultation fee before leaving.

After several weeks, the therapist asked why they kept returning when their technique was perfectly safe.

The husband explained, “A private fitness studio costs far more, our apartment is too small, and the waiting room here has excellent heating.”

His wife added, “We also receive professional supervision and free water.”

The therapist changed their appointments to a group class and finally understood why they always arrived carrying matching towels.

The next day, the central character told the story of “The Older Couple’s Weekly Therapy Appointment Had A Practical Purpose” to a friend. The friend requested proof, received far too much of it, and finally admitted that the shortest explanation was also the funniest.

Suzy’s Science Lesson Used Seeds Instead Of Bedroom Secrets

Suzy asked her older sister how babies were made. Her sister decided a practical science lesson would be safer than a confusing explanation.

They planted bean seeds in two pots, placed one in sunlight, and kept the other in a cupboard. Every day they watered both and recorded the changes.

When the sunny plant sprouted, Suzy announced that she understood.

“You do?” her sister asked nervously.

“Yes. Babies need water, sunshine, and labels with the date.”

Their mother entered, read the experiment notes, and explained that plants and people grew differently.

Suzy added a final observation: adults became extremely nervous whenever children asked direct science questions.

The conversation continued after the final remark. Everyone repeated the explanation behind “Suzy’s Science Lesson Used Seeds Instead Of Bedroom Secrets” once more, and the second version sounded even less sensible than the first.

Nobody involved in “Suzy’s Science Lesson Used Seeds Instead Of Bedroom Secrets” had planned such an ending. They checked the details, discovered that the facts were correct, and agreed that the misunderstanding had done most of the creative work.

The next day, the central character told the story of “Suzy’s Science Lesson Used Seeds Instead Of Bedroom Secrets” to a friend. The friend requested proof, received far too much of it, and finally admitted that the shortest explanation was also the funniest.

The Prize-Winning Toast Sounded Different At Home

John won a prize for the evening’s best toast and proudly told his wife what he had said: “Here is to spending the rest of my life sitting beside my wife at the church table.”

The next day, a friend repeated the original version, which had sounded far more adventurous.

His wife asked why he had changed it.

“I adapted it for the audience,” John explained.

She nodded. “Excellent. Tonight you can spend the rest of your evening beside the ironing board.”

John learned that prize-winning speeches sometimes require a home edition and a public edition.

The people involved reviewed every step of “The Prize-Winning Toast Sounded Different At Home” afterward. The facts remained the same, but the explanation became funnier each time somebody tried to make it sound reasonable.

The incident soon became known as “The Prize-Winning Toast Sounded Different At Home.” Nobody changed the ending, because the original misunderstanding had already produced a better punchline than any planned joke.

The Hotel Guest Needed Maintenance Before His Wife Opened The Window

A hotel guest called the front desk and demanded immediate help. He and his wife were arguing, and she threatened to throw his suitcase out of the window.

The clerk explained that a marital argument was not a maintenance problem.

“It is this time,” the guest replied. “The window will not open.”

The clerk sent a technician, who repaired the latch and then wisely carried the suitcase to the lobby.

The wife thanked him. The husband asked whether the hotel offered luggage insurance.

The technician recommended marriage counseling and a room on the ground floor.

The Job Interview Had Three Different Answers To Two Plus Two

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and

asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer

incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.” Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant

says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.” Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus

two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says “What do you want it to equal?”

Steve’s Fishing Trip Required A Better Agreement

Steve told his fishing friends that he could not join their weekend trip because he and his wife had already planned family activities.

His friends teased him and suggested complicated ways to escape the agreement.

The next morning Steve arrived at the lake before everyone else, with breakfast cooking beside the tent.

“How did you convince her?” they asked.

“I did not,” Steve replied. “She read the weather report, saw three days of rain, and volunteered to drive me here.”

The friends looked at the dark clouds. Steve’s wife had also packed him the only tent with a leak.

The witnesses later reconstructed “Steve’s Fishing Trip Required A Better Agreement” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “Steve’s Fishing Trip Required A Better Agreement.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope

A rural couple discovered that the old outdoor toilet pit was full. The husband had no idea what to do, so his wife advised him to call the council.

He misunderstood and telephoned the county library.

The librarian patiently explained that books could not solve every household problem but recommended a sanitation manual.

He borrowed it, followed the instructions, and arranged a proper service.

His wife asked why the solution had taken all day.

“Because,” he said, “the chapter on waste management was filed under civic infrastructure.”

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.

The next retelling of “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.

Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope.” Hearing it twice did not make it sensible, but it made the confidence behind it funnier.

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Outhouse Problem Required A Very Long Rope” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

Three Applicants Handled A Payroll Error Differently

One day three women headed for a job interview. The fellow interviewing them posed all three the same question.

What would you do if you found an extra €50 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received? The first one remarked, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.”

When he inquired the second one she answered, “I’d give it to Charity.” When he inquired the third one, she was more honest and she remarked,

“I’d keep it for myself and go out for a drink.” Which one of the three women received the job?

The one with the biggest melons!

The Closing-Time Robber Demanded All The Dough

A masked robber entered a bakery as the owner was closing and demanded all the dough.

The owner pointed toward the kitchen. “Bread dough or pizza dough?”

“Money,” the robber snapped.

The owner emptied the register, which contained only twelve dollars after a quiet evening. Then he handed over a tray of rising bread dough.

“What is this?”

“The only valuable dough in the building.”

Police found the robber two streets away, carrying a bag that had expanded until it could no longer fit through a doorway.

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Closing-Time Robber Demanded All The Dough” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “The Closing-Time Robber Demanded All The Dough.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

Three Agencies Competed To Find A Missing Rabbit

Three international agencies competed to find a rabbit released in a forest. The first used satellites and found nothing. The second interviewed every animal and produced a thick report.

The third returned with a bear carrying a sign that read, “I am the rabbit.”

The judges stared.

The agency explained that its interrogation methods were extremely persuasive.

The judges disqualified the result, released the bear, and replaced the competition with a wildlife-camera challenge.

The actual rabbit appeared in the first photograph beside the empty starting cage.

The witnesses later reconstructed “Three Agencies Competed To Find A Missing Rabbit” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The Rabbi Answered Every Wedding Question Except One

An engaged couple met their rabbi for counseling and asked increasingly detailed questions about married life, household duties, holidays, and personal boundaries.

The rabbi answered patiently.

Finally they asked whether they could play golf on the wedding day.

The rabbi paused. “Religiously, the question is complicated. Practically, your ceremony begins at ten and the reception ends at midnight.”

The groom asked about an early tee time.

The bride closed the notebook. “That was the last question because it was also the answer.”

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Rabbi Answered Every Wedding Question Except One” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “The Rabbi Answered Every Wedding Question Except One.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Rabbi Answered Every Wedding Question Except One” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.

The next retelling of “The Rabbi Answered Every Wedding Question Except One” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.

The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread

A couple ordered soup at a restaurant. The husband dropped his spoon, and a waiter instantly produced a clean replacement from his pocket.

The husband praised the preparation, then noticed a thread hanging from the waiter’s apron.

“What is that for?”

“To remind me which pocket holds clean spoons,” the waiter said.

He pulled the thread and discovered it was attached to the apron label instead.

The restaurant replaced the complicated system with a tray, which everyone agreed was less mysterious and more hygienic.

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The incident became known as “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread.” Clearer instructions might have prevented it, although everyone agreed that clear instructions would also have removed the best joke.

A final question produced another long answer. By then, everyone involved in “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” had accepted that ordinary logic was no longer responsible for the result.

The next retelling of “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” included receipts and an unnecessary diagram. The diagram clarified nothing, but it received almost as much laughter as the ending.

Before leaving, the central character repeated the conclusion from “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread.” Hearing it twice did not make it sensible, but it made the confidence behind it funnier.

The witnesses later reconstructed “The Restaurant Soup Included An Unwanted Thread” from the beginning. Every fact survived, but the explanation became less believable each time it was repeated.

The Football Fan Focused On The Team’s Tight Ends

A fan attended a football game and later praised the tight ends, strong tackles, and impressive passes. Her friend assumed she had misunderstood the sport.

She produced a notebook filled with statistics, player numbers, and play diagrams.

“I liked the tight ends because they blocked well,” she explained.

Her friend apologized for underestimating her.

She smiled. “I also liked the uniforms, but I can appreciate two things at once.”

They bought tickets for the next game behind the same bench.

The Missing Wife Had Ten Friends With The Same Story

A lady didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s

house. The fellow called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of

them knew anything about it. A fellow didn’t come home 1 night.

The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband’s 10

best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 remarked he was still there

The Golfer Took Extra Time Because His Wife Was Watching

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring

the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated

partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the dn

ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.

I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, fellow,” says his partner.

“You’ll never hit her from here.”

Two Friends Tried To Unlock A Car From Both Sides

A blonde lady is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.

While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.

So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see

how the blonde is faring. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside

the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right

The Waitress Saw One Husband Under The Table And Another At The Door

John and Mary were having dinner in a extremely fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding

down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way

down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John

had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and remarked to the

lady, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.” The lady calmly glanced up at her and answered firmly, “Oh, no he didn’t.

In fact, my husband just walked in the front door.”

Giuseppe Planned To Collect His Anniversary Present

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest inquired Giuseppe, who remarked he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary,

to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same lady all these years. Giuseppe answered to the assembled husbands,

“Well, I’va tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!

Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?” Giuseppe proudly answered, ” I gonna go pick her up.”