Woman Hide Under Bed To Check Her Husband
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home
again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough
and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then
she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short
while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the
kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him
walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few
minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the
phone and calling someone. “She’s finally gone…yeah I
know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on
that hot French nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see
you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like. “He hung
up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off
as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and
with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he
wrote… “I can see your feet We’re outta bread: be back
in five minutes.
The Wife Checked Her Husband’s Phone
The wife checked her husband’s phone and found these
names: ‘The tender one’ ‘The amazing one’ ‘Lady of
my dreams, She got angry and called the first number to find
out that was his mother. Then she called the second number
to which his sister replied. When she dialed the third
number her own phone rang. She cried until her eyes got
swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she
gave him her whole month’s salary to make up for it.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend
whose name was saved as ‘Uncle Mike the mechanic’
My Wife is Cheating On Me
I’m furious, my wife is cheating on me with a painter. I
found traces of paint in the bed. It’s good that with a
painter, and mine cheats on me with a truck. “That’s
enough, how about a truck?” “I found a driver in bed.”
A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices
that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at
her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a
question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’ She
answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as
old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a
chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure
that there’s nothing’ ‘Well, I’ve always had a
fantasy to make love with a nun.’ She responds,‘Well,
let’s see what we can do about that: You have to be single
You must be Catholic. I have to save my purity, so you will
have to enter from behind. The cab driver is very excited
and says,‘Yes, I’m single, Catholic, and I’m happy to
enter from behind!’ ‘OK’ the nun says ‘Pull into the
next alley.’ The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a very
exploded way. But when they get back on the road, the cab
driver starts crying. ‘My dear child,’ says the nun,
‘why are you crying?’ ‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I
lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m
going to fancy dress party.’
The Older Man Boasts To The Doctor
A 92 year old man went to the doctor for his annual
check-up. The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and
the 92 year old said, “Things are great, and I’ve never
felt better!” “I now have a 20 year old bride who is
pregnant with my child.” “What do you think about that,
doc?” The doctor considered the question for a minute, and
then began to tell a story. “I have an older friend, much
like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a
season.” “One day he was setting off to go hunting, but
being a bit absent minded, he accidentally forgot to take
his ammunition.” “As he neared a lake, he came across a
very nice beaver frolicking at the water’s edge.” “By
now, he realized he had left his ammo at home, and so, he
couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.”
“Nonetheless, he lifted his favorite hunting rifle, aimed
down the sites, and yelled ‘bang bang’.”
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver was
slain.” “Now, what do you think of that?” asked the
doctor. Theelder man scatched his chin thoughtfully, then
said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.” The doctor
nodded, “My thoughts exactly.”
Blonde Walking Her Dogs
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the
opposite direction says “oh my, you have such beautiful
dogs.. what are their names?” The blonde replies “Well,
the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.” The
man responds “Huh.. that’s interesting.. why did you
name them such names?” The blonde sighs and shakes her
head. “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh,
what else can you name your watch dogs??”
A Boy Comes Back From School
A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a
0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because
I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His
mother asked, “What was the question?” “Where’s
Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the
principal’s office. In the meantime we’re going to find
where Portugal is.” She gets a map of the state and
can’t find Portugal. Then she gets a map of the region and
still can’t find Portugal. She gets a map of the city and
can’t find Portugal. “I swear Portugal can’t be far.
The maid is from Portugal and she comes here to work
everyday on her bicycle.”
Sweet Young Lovers
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic
winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes
out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets
back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” To that
she replies “Well, come here and I’ll warm them between
my legs.” He goes out a couple of more times and does the
same thing. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop
wood for the night. When he returns, he again says,
“Honey, my hands are really freezing!” She looks at him
and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your ears ever get
cold?”
A Newly Married Couple Are In Bed
A newly married couple are in bed when the man asks his wife
how many men she has slept with After the question, the
woman doesn’t respond. The man asks again “Just tell me,
it’s fine. How many men have you slept with?” His wife,
still in total silence, just stares at the ceiling. The man
says “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just
thought we could trust each other…” Still silence from
his wife. The man, giving up, says “It’s OK. Please
don’t be upset.” Since the woman is still silent, the
man starts hugging and kissing her, showing his affection.
While he is doing this, his wife seems to come to her
senses, stops looking at the ceiling, looks at him, and
upset, tells her husband, “Damn it! You made me lose
count!”
A Woman Walks Into A Pharmacy One Day
A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the
pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband
but make it look like he died of natural causes.” The
pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for
you, I’m going to have to call the police and report
you.” The woman removes something from her pocket and
hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a
picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s
wife. The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me
you had a prescription.”
