A Man Is Getting Into The Shower
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife
quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give
you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment,
the woman drops her towel in front of Bob. After a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the
bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was
Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great,” the
husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?”
An Old Cowboy Walks Into A Saloon
An old Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked….except for his
boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?”, ask the one man
Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful
blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in
the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take
off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she takes off her
clothes, and says, ‘You like what you see?’ Fellers, she
had the most bodacious body I ever did see! I said, ‘Yes,
ma’am, I do!’” Then she lays down on a blanket, all
friendly-like, and says, ‘Well, then, go to town,
Cowboy!’ So I pulled on my boots and here I am.
DNA Test Results
After 3 years, the wife starts to think that their child
looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds
out that the child is actually from completely different
parents. Wife: “Dear, I have something very serious to
tell you.” Husband: “What’s up?” Wife: “According
to DNA test results, this is not our child.” Husband:
“Well don’t you remember? When we were leaving the
hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet nappy and you
said, “Eddie, go and change the baby, I’ll wait for you
here.”
Whose Panties Are These?
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she
returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and
then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to
the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor
that do not belong to her! Furious, she questions her
husband. The husband says, “I have no idea where they came
from I don’t do the laundry, the maid does!” The wife
calms down and says, “Oh! So maybe these belong to the
maid, could be she was doing her laundry here.” “Nah,”
said the husband musingly, “she doesn’t even wear
panties.”
A Great Opportunity
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly
had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember
Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest
apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further
up, you will find glory.” Moral of the story: If you are
not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
A Very Old Lady Entered A Crowded Bus
I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a walker
gets on. All the other passengers proceed to file on and
take up the remaining standing places but she stands close
to me, staring me in the eyes. After 5 minutes of this, I
kindly ask, ‘may I help you?’ She replies, “yes, I
have been waiting here for 5 minutes now and you have not
offered to give me your seat “ Can you give me a good
reason why I should?” I can give you 5. I am an old woman
of 86, I have near paralysis in my left leg, a hip that has
been replaced twice, my husband died 3 days ago and every
second I stand up is pure agony. Can you give me as
many reasons why you deserve the seat more?” Sadly, only
one. I’m the freakin’ driver.”
Two Boys Go Into A Forest
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see
a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other
chases after him. The boy asked “Why did u run away?”
The other said “My mom told me if i saw a naked women
i’d turn to stone, i already felt something getting
getting hard.”
A Little Boy Wanted A Bicycle For Christmas
A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas. His mother said
she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but
suggested that if he wrote to Jesus promising to be a good
boy in the future, then maybe Jesus might be willing to get
him one. So the boy started writing out a letter. ‘Dear
Jesus, I promise to be good for one year…’ He then
crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be
good for one month.’ Still he wasn’t happy, so he
crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be
good for one week.’ His head in a spin, he tore up the
paper and went for a walk. As he passed the local church, he
noticed a nativity scene. When nobody was looking, he
grabbed the figure of Mary, hid it under his coat and ran
home. There he composed a new letter. ‘Dear Jesus, if you
ever want to see your mother again…’
I Don’t Know What To Get My Wife For Her Birthday
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: “I
don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she
has everything, and besides,… she can afford to buy
anything she wants, so I’m stuck.” His friend said: “I
have an idea! Why don’t you make up a certificate saying
she can have 60 minutes of great s3x, any way she wants it.
She’ll probably be thrilled.” Adam decided to take his
friend’s advice. The next day at the bar his friend said:
“Well? Did you take my suggestion?” “Yes, I did,”
Adam replied. “Did she like it?” “Oh yes! She jumped
up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the
door, yelling:…” “I’ll be back in an hour!!”
A Jealous Husband
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the
movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a
written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat
down together to watch it. Although the quality was less
than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!
He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them
enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing
in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife
participate in a dozen activities with utter glee. “I just
can’t believe this,” the distraught husband said. The
detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up
there on the screen!” The husband replied, “I can’t
believe that my wife could be so much fun!”
