A Blonde Is Swimming In A River
A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks
her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m
washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use
a washing machine?” The blonde says, “I tried that, but
it was too dizzy.”
A nun in the convent walked
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother
superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see
you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it
does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.” The
blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior
starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at
the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes
later the man interrupts: “That’s nice and all, ma’am,
but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to
put these blinds
A girlfriend and boyfriend
A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house
and the girlfriend said to her mom, “Mom, me and my
boyfriend are going up to my room” and the mom says, “Ok
honey, you kids have fun.” When they are up their the mom
hears: “Baby baby baby oh!” The mom walks to the door
and ask, “What the hell is going on?” The girl says,
“Mom were just having fun.” and the mom says, “Oh
thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber
A Nun And A Priest Crossing Sahara Desert On Camel
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a
camel On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead
without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and
the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of
silence, the priest spoke. “Well sister, this looks pretty
grim.” “I know, father.” “In fact, I don’t think
it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”
“I agree.” “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it
out of here alive, would you do something for me?”
“Anything father.” “I have never seen a woman’s
front beauty and I was wondering if I might see yours.”
“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would
do any harm.” The nun opened her habit and the priest
enjoyed the sight, commenting frequently on their beauty.
“Sister would you mind if I touched them?” She consented
and he fondled them for several minutes. “Father, could I
ask something of you?” “Yes sister?” “I have never
seen a man’s manhood. Could I see yours?” “I supposed
that would be OK,” the priest replied lifting his robe.
“Oh father, may I touch it?” This time the priest
consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was
sporting his all manhood on the hand. “Sister, you know
that if I insert my manhood in the right place, it can give
life.” “Is that true father?” “Yes it is, sister.”
“Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s a*s and
lets get the hell out of here.”
A Soldier Approached A Nun
A soldier approached a nun Out of breath he asked,
“Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain
later.” The nun agreed… A moment later two Military
Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a
soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After
the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her
skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You
see, I don’t want to go to Syria. ” The nun said, “I
understand completely. ” The soldier added, “I hope
I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The
nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would
have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to
Syria either.”
A Man Accidentally Elbows a Woman’s Chest
A Man Accidentally Elbows a Woman’s Chest as she is
standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes
profusely and says “if your heart is as soft as your
chest, I know you’ll forgive me.” To which the woman
replied “if your tool is as hard as your elbow, I’m in
room 318.”
A Man Walks In His Room After Work
A man walks in his room after work and is surprised to find
his wife lying undressed on the bed. After careful
examination he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from
underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a
undressed man standing there. ‘Who the hell are you?’ he
yells. The undressed guy replies ‘I’m the moth
inspector’ ‘Oh yeah! what are you doing undressed?’ He
looks down and exclaims ‘Oh my god! I’m too late!’
A Mother Had Three Virgin Daughters
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting
married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit
worried about how their s3x life would get started, she made
them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with
a few words on how marital s3x felt. The first girl sent a
card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said
nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then
went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said:
“Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for
her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a
week after the wedding, and the card read:
“Benson&Hedges”. Mom now knew to go straight to her
husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson&Hedges pack: “Extra Long King Size.” She was
again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom
waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words:
“British Airways”. Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and
finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: “Three
times a day, seven days a week, both ways.” (Mom fainted)
Girl Had Grown Hair Between Her Legs
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom
calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called
your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.”
The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My
monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said,
“That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas.”
He Told The Jeweller He Wanted Ring
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one
Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He
told the jeweller he wanted a special ring for his
girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and found
a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see
something much more special.” The jeweller went to his
special stock in the safe and brought another ring back.
“This one’s $40,000.” The young lady’s eyes sparkled
and her wh*le body trembled with excitement. The old man
said, “I’ll take it!” The jeweller asked how payment
would be made, and the old man said, “By check, but I know
you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it
now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds.
I’ll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon.” Monday
morning, the jeweller called the old man saying,
“There’s no money in that account!” The old man said,
“I know I know, but let me tell you about the weekend I
just had!”
